The Urban Caucasian Mother (“UCM”) can be seen taking over sidewalks in affluent urban communities all across this great nation. She is typically in her early to mid-thirties and, as such, is starting to panic about the onslaught of old age. To counteract the inevitable jiggly arms and tank ass, UCM marches around her neighborhood all day with an SUV-sized stroller that gets in everybody’s way. She absolutely must accessorize with a recyclable to-go cup of soy chai tea from the quirky new neighborhood tea house, a small, yappy dog, and a husband carrying around their other child in a baby backpack. The result is essentially a traveling circus sideshow whose only goal is to bastardize the neighborhood and make everyone else’s day a little less convenient. Continue reading →
