Carl

Carl prefers glue sticks to staplers.

Carl prefers glue sticks to staplers.

Every office has a Carl. He’s the guy you see doing laps around the copy room for his afternoon workout. He frequently wears flannel and corduroy, and always has a funny haircut – either a dusty mop of disproportionate lengths or the bald on top with a pony tail look. Carl takes full advantage of Casual Fridays by showing up in Crocs and a hunting vest. Despite being a noticeable misfit, Carl’s quirks are tolerated by management because he’s the only guy within a 200-mile radius who’s willing to come in and perform mind-numbing database quality checks day after day with no annual raise. Carl’s cubicle is his first home. His second is an RV.

Carl’s personality mirrors his style, so naturally it clashes with everyone else’s in the office. He’s a tad socially inept, but desperately tries to fit in and make friends. You may occasionally look up from your work and jump back in shock to see Carl just standing there at your cube with a retarded grin on his face. He tends to hesitate for a few seconds longer before jumping into a story about the latest adventures of his cat, Max. He meant to ask you how your weekend went but froze at the last minute and couldn’t remember the line. Most of the time Carl brings his lunch with him to work and completely stink-bombs the entire office with the stench of his latest obscure concoction, like anchovies with lentils and ketchup. However, once every couple of weeks you’ll get the dreaded lunch invitation, launching an office-wide contest for who can come up with the most creative excuse.

His cubicle is his pride and joy, and he decorates it elaborately. Most notable perhaps are the pictures he has up of himself, Max, himself and Max, himself and Max on the merry-go-round, and himself and Max opening their presents on Christmas morning. Scattered among the photos are the articles that make up Carl’s bizarre collection – often comic characters, delicate porcelain animal figurines, or used McDonald’s soda cups. It is not recommended that you ask Carl about his collection unless you have a wide open calendar for the next three hours.

Frequently heard saying: “Hey hey…wanna go to Ponderosa? I’ve got coupons! Please??”

Last seen: Talking to a photo of Max and asking him what he fancies for supper.

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