His sensual look for the ladies.

His sensual look for the ladies.

Self-proclaimed King of your city, Papi struts around town with a swagger and style all his own. His short frame is supported by high-top shoes with an extra large tongue that prevents his baggy Fubu jeans from falling completely to the floor. His Scarface t-shirt looks like it surely must have been custom-made for Andre the Giant. Up top Papi rocks the cornrows that show off his enormous diamond earrings and highlight his ex-girlfriend’s name that’s tattooed in cursive on his neck. Considering his status in the neighborhood and haute couture appearance you’d think Papi would constantly have a grin from ear to ear. Sadly this is not the case, as evidenced by the tear drops that always seem to linger just below his eye. The weird thing though is that they’re black. Can’t quite explain that one.

You know Papi’s approaching when you hear the faint rumble of bass off in the distance, which quickly turns to an ear-shattering rattle as his over-sized subwoofer literally shakes apart his car at the seams. Speaking of which, Papi is exceptionally fond of his ride…his baby…and has a serious problem with anyone who goes within 10 feet of it. Which is completely understandable considering it’s a rusty, multi-colored old Honda Civic that sits atop sparkling 20″ rims that are worth about three times as much as the car itself. Needless to say, Papi thinks it’s a lot sweeter than it really is.

Papi enjoys spending his days lingering in the park, seeing what’s up over at the car wash, and hollerin’ at hunnies. Unfortunately, though, his game is hindered every other weekend when it’s his turn with the kids. Friday afternoons can be quite a chore as he navigates through traffic to three different homes on different sides of town to collect the little rascals. Besides his close group of friends, his kids are the only other people on Earth who think his car is cool. And Papi thinks they’re pretty cool, too, as they allow him to make some extra money filming educational ‘look what can happen’ commercials for Trojan and Durex.

Frequently heard saying: “Aye mami! You fiiiiiiiine gurrrrl!”

Last seen: Diving into a bush as the cop car rolls by.


One response to “Papi

  1. Awesome site. It appears these hilarious stereotypes are universal – can identify every single one of the entries here in South Africa too, so I guess these freaks are everywhere!

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