Arch-nemesis of restaurants and normal people everywhere, Calorie Nazi is the queen bee of picky eaters. She won’t touch a pizza with a 50-foot pole, nor will she be seen in the same room as many foods normal people perceive to be reasonably healthy, such as cereal, pasta, or rice. Without fail, Calorie Nazi manages to make an appearance at every large group dinner, and makes her presence known quickly. She can be seen examining the menu with the wincing concentration of a surgeon about to remove a testicle. Knowing the ingredients of a dish is not enough for Calorie Nazi. No no. She also must know the source of each ingredient, exactly how the dish is prepared, and what other dishes will be cooked within 4 square feet that could make hers fattening by proximity. Calorie Nazi makes everyone at the table want to jab a fork in their eye. Continue reading →
