Euro Slick

"Hi I'm from Amsterdam."

"Hi I'm from Amsterdam."

By far the trendiest guy in your city is Euro Slick. He struts around town in his futuristic white Puma sneakers, thigh-hugging G-Star jeans, form-fitting soccer jersey that clings perfectly to the bicep, and smokey aviator sunglasses. He sports a textbook faux-hawk and possibly a delicately coifed rat tail that has somehow over the past year become both acceptable and attractive to women. Even after playing soccer for a full 90 minutes his hair remains perfectly in place thanks to the expensive imported pomade he fingers through it each day. Euro Slick was born overseas and spent at least 3 days there before coming to the States – just long enough to secure his place in life as a superior stylish foreigner.

Euro Slick is very passionate about his “homeland”. Everything is better in Europe – the food, the wine, the women, the architecture, the way of life. Despite having lived his entire life stateside, if an American sporting team is playing a European team, even if it’s not his “home country’s” team, he will root for the Euros every time. He will defend and argue in favor of his beloved continent to the grave. Yet the minute you ask him why, if Europe’s so great, is he still living in America, his mouth remarkably ceases to function. He will mumble a few grunts then retreat to his apartment to eat gelato and lose himself in DJ Tiesto’s latest mix.

Euro Slick likes to hang out at quirky French bistros and sophisticated beer houses where he sips $10 Belgian brews such as Delirium Tremens. When the evening calls for something a little more upbeat, he slips into his D+G shirt and Ferragamo loafers before heading to a new, secretive lounge. He is by no means wealthy but he splurges on 2 or 3 top designer pieces to wear whenever he really wants to impress the ladies. He can be seen wearing these exact articles in 97% of the pictures on his Facebook page.

Frequently heard saying: “I can’t wait for the next World Cup. I’m going.”

Last seen: Buying Ferrari cologne at Saks Fifth Avenue.

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