Proud Sarah

The obligatory gourmet cupcake.

The obligatory gourmet cupcake.

Proud Sarah is a young college graduate who now has about five years of work experience under her belt. A self-proclaimed star at one of the nation’s largest corporations, she has successfully been able to work her way up the ladder into a higher salary bracket and a more spacious cubicle. As her name suggests, she is extremely proud of what she has accomplished thus far in her career, and views every conversation as an opportunity to make people aware of her excellence. No matter the setting or subject matter, Proud Sarah promptly steers the discussion toward matters of vocation by asking what you do for a living. This is a trap. As soon as you’ve uttered your fifth word she’ll cut you off and tell you all about her accolades in the field of accounting, finance, or pharmaceutical sales. Proud Sarah does not have many friends.

To pat herself on the back some more, Proud Sarah enjoys going for elaborate spa treatments and grabbing a cheeky treat from the latest gourmet cupcake shop. She also likes telling everyone about the brand new high-rise condo she just bought in, according to her, what is destined to become the city’s coolest neighborhood. It has hardwood floors, stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, 36″ maple cabinets, AND a fully functioning fireplace!! To kick it up a notch, Proud Sarah furnishes the place with a white suede couch, fluffy white rug, posters of vintage French advertisements, and hundreds of candles and soap products with an obscure scent such as cucumber melon. Never has anyone else on the planet ever turned to either a cucumber or a melon for olfactory relief.

As picture perfect as her professional life may be, the same cannot be said when it comes to love. It is completely incomprehensible to Proud Sarah why she cannot get a boyfriend, or even any sort of romantic encounter that extends beyond the first date. After all, she’s classy, sassy, and twice as successful as all the guys she dates. What’s not to love? She can often be heard expressing her frustration to a fellow Proud Sarah at Starbucks while slurping down a Venti Caramel Frappuccino. To console herself after such an emotional outpour, Proud Sarah returns home to catch up on TiVo’d episodes of Oprah.

Frequently heard saying: “So how big is your expense account?”

Last seen: Drinking martinis with the girls while arguing over who is most like each Sex and the City character.

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