Little Lily

Ain't too shy to show dat hump.

Ain't too shy to show dat bump.

Frequently spotted in ethnic urban communities across the country, Little Lily is one petite gem who everyone looks down to. This is because she stands at about 4′ 10″ in heels, and weighs no more than a sack of rice soaking wet. However, her weight tends to fluctuate throughout the year as she progresses through the cycle of her most recent pregnancy. That being said, having had 3 kids by the age of 19 it’s one of life’s greatest mysteries how she manages to stay so slim. Well, minus the inevitable kangaroo pouch belly that says hello whenever she sports her tight custom air-brushed t-shirt.

Occasionally Little Lily likes to take a break from giving birth to spend an afternoon in the park with her kids. Here she is joined by at least 20 family members – parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, chihuahuas – pretty much everyone except the fathers of her children. That is because they are either doing time for attempting to rob a homeless shelter or they’re busy getting the name of their other baby’s mama tattooed on their wrist. Either way, Little Lily and the munchkins must enjoy their modest picnic of steak, chicken, pork, shrimp, rice, beans, chips, guacamole, peppers, and plantains without the responsible father figures around.

After a stressful week of juggling her job at the call center and time with the kids, Little Lily is ready to let loose and have fun. Leaving the kids at home with mom, she and 6 of her close friends hop into her 1993 Geo Metro and head to the club. On these nights Little Lily likes to wear a sexy top that reveals her racy abdominal tattoos, each one perfectly designed to hide the scar of a c-section. She spends most of the evening performing aggressive hip gyrations with whichever guy has positioned his jeans to show the largest portion of underwear. Toward the end of the night Little Lily always manages to run into an old enemy from high school and has an altercation outside of the club in which her phone gets broken. This is why every few months Little Lily always seems to have the newest, hottest phone on the market with an unlimited data plan. How else is she going to talk trash on Myspace?

Frequently heard saying: “I’m busy doing me! F$%k all dem haterz!!”

Last seen: In a dark corner of the club making out with future father #4.

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