Flip Flop

The camo shorts are a sweet touch, too.

The camo shorts are a sweet touch, too.

One of the most commonly seen characters on college campuses and in yuppie neighborhoods is Flip Flop. You can hear him coming a mile away because the only type of footwear he ever wears is, you guessed it, flip flops. There are ONLY 2 exceptions to this rule. The first is Birkenstocks, which he’ll also happily wear any day of the week as long as they look as worn out and tattered as possible. The second is when he finally lands that bank job and has a panic attack upon seeing flip flops on the ‘unacceptable attire’ list. As a compromise he then leaves a pair of black Skechers and some dress socks at the office to change into upon arriving and promptly out of when departing. Flip Flop truly believes he looks sweet wearing flip flops with dress pants on the subway.

When not at the office, Flip Flop can be seen pairing his breezy footwear with khaki cargo shorts, a backwards baseball hat, and either a baseball jersey or an O.A.R. tour t-shirt depending on if there’s a game that day. For extra fashion points, Flip Flop sometimes likes to borrow his sister’s trendy white-framed sunglasses because they match well with his pasty white skin. They also reduce glare which is essential for optimal concentration and performance in cornhole, horseshoe, flippy cup, beer pong, and a smattering of other fun games designed to improve mental acuity.

Based on the above description it’s no surprise that Flip Flop is a seasoned ladies’ man. However, he chooses to remain in a steady relationship with CB, and is known to be a very kind, giving, and supportive lover. For example, he is always there to catch CB when she blacks out and falls off her bar stool. And when the last seconds of happy hour are winding down, who do you think is there barreling through the crowds to snag one last pitcher from the bar? If that’s not love I don’t know what is.

Frequently heard saying: “Anyone got any extra Dave tickets?”

Last seen: Drinking warm PBR from a funnel.

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