Sugar Daddy

Check out my man teet.

Check out my man teets.

Another adorable character found on the American nightlife circuit is Sugar Daddy. He can easily be spotted as he’s the only person over 35 in the club, but he’s usually well into his 50s. He is dressed to the nines in a full khaki suit and open-collar white dress shirt that perfectly contrasts his freshly sprayed complexion. Sugar Daddy, sadly, is rather overweight and heavily balding, and not even the most eager fog machine can hide his greasy comb over attempt. But that’s okay because there’s plenty of hair on his chest to make up for it! And nestled somewhere in the depths of that man jungle lies an invisible air freshener that deposits a nauseating trail of pure testosterone wherever Sugar Daddy’s little feet take him.

The favorite patron of club owners nationwide, Sugar Daddy is known to take over the VIP section and order several bottles of the most expensive champagne on the menu. Not because he drinks it, but because he can. For himself, Sugar Daddy likes to order a bottle of scotch aged at least as many years as those separating him and the scantily clad damsel draped across his arm, which is, needless to say, well into the double digits.

After the club, Sugar Daddy and said damsel speed off in his Lamborghini Gallardo to his penthouse apartment. A little Miles Davis prompts the couple to sway daintily from side to side before a roaring fireplace until the heat of the night catches up to them. As Sugar Daddy takes her behind the door where the magic happens, one can only picture their happy time resembling a hippo slapping bellies with a kitten. But once it’s all over with, his fair damsel can smile while thinking lustfully of her true love – the new BMW 3-Series sitting in her garage. Sugar Daddy only wishes the commerce at his construction company was this simple and gratifying.

Frequently heard saying: “You ladies should come join me in VIP. We’re drinking Dom.”

Last seen: Trying to cover his erection with the ice bucket.

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One response to “Sugar Daddy

  1. Pingback: Kin « Diary of a Kept Woman

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