Coke Whore

Classic skunk cut. This is just too easy.

Classic skunk cut. This is just too easy.

An all-time favorite people-watching target, Coke Whore resides in the dreams (and probably also the hard drives) of most men nationwide. She looks like a porn star, which is helpful because she inevitably ends up pursuing a career in the sex industry. She’s already selling herself to Sugar Daddy for Beamers and blow so this is the next logical step. She spends her days lounging by a warm body of water, be it a pool, lake, or ocean. This is where Coke Whore feels at home because it allows her to be as naked as possible in public and provides her with a strong feeling of safety. Should she accidentally slip into the water she’ll be instantly saved by the two flotation devices permanently implanted in her chest. Smart thinking.

Coke Whore prides herself on her collection of unique tattoos: a star on the foot, butterfly on the ankle, tribal logo on the lower back, flower on the hip, and Chinese character on the shoulder blade. She is never seen wearing shoes with less than a three-inch heel, or skirts that fall more than an inch below her plump buttocks. Always one to be on the cutting edge of fashion and style, Coke Whore is partial to animal-inspired looks such as zebra or leopard print accessories and the two-toned black and blonde hairdo, or “skunk cut.” She is also very conscious of the damaging effects of UV rays, so to protect herself she wears only the best designer sunglasses that cover her entire face. This is further proof of the rich young mind that hides beneath her $2 exterior.

Contrary to popular belief, Coke Whore’s name isn’t derived from her obsession with powdery illegal substances. Yes it’s true that she only works at the strip club to accumulate an endless supply of dollar bills to roll up into snorting instruments, but that’s really besides the point. Truthfully though, Coke Whore is extremely passionate about Coca Cola products, which she occasionally likes to enjoy in her Long Island Iced Tea. Pepsi just won’t do.

So there you have it, the truth behind the name exposed! Seriously…I mean it.

Hmm.

Frequently heard saying: “U bettr be jellous cuz Frank’s takin me to VEGAS bitches!!”

Last seen: Sitting on 50 Cent’s lap in Vegas.

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