Fresh Meat

Ohhh emmm geee...Playboy me hearts!

Ohhh emmm geee...Playboy me hearts!

Few characters provide men with as much pleasure and pain as Fresh Meat. She is in her late teens to early twenties, very easy on the eyes, and enjoys wearing clothing that clearly reveals every nook and cranny of her supple physique. However, the minute she opens her mouth the poor, unsuspecting male is greeted with screechy commentary on her most recent shoe purchase, the drama occurring between her BFF and her BFF’s BF, and the latest episode of “The Hills.” The modern male is engaged in a constant internal battle to decide whether or not a physical encounter would be worth the hours of mindless babble it may take to get there.

Fresh Meat’s home is the mall, where her and her other Fresh Meat friends enjoy shopping for eight hours straight. They bounce from store to store while exchanging witty remarks that prompt the entire group to giggle hysterically in unison, thus adding more items to their endless list of inside jokes. If she is unfortunate enough to not have a wealthy father, Fresh Meat also works at the mall at either Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, or Bebe. When she gets off work, Fresh Meat likes to stop off at the tanning salon where she’ll apply a small Playboy bunny sticker on her left or right hip to leave the logo imprinted on her skin after her session in the cancer chamber is complete. This looks hot to guys and she dreams of one day posing for Playboy.

In the evenings, Fresh Meat likes to take pictures of herself in a dirty bathroom mirror to show off her hot new outfit and trendy Monroe piercing. Once the pictures have been posted to Myspace along with at least three bulletins telling people to go comment them, Fresh Meat and her friends head to the club. Despite being at a dance club, Fresh Meat spends almost the entire evening either primping herself in the bathroom or feverishly texting everyone in her contact list to let them know how hot the club is and how crazy she’s being. She ends the night leaving with Johnny D-Bag as he’s the only guy who enjoys MTV reality shows as much as she does.

Frequently heard saying: “OMG! I got sooooo wasted last night but I heart my girls!!”

Last seen: Rear-ending the car in front while texting her friend in the passenger seat.

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